Reflectioning on a relationship...The Codependent Relationship

When David and I first started counseling, our therapist said we were codependent. I had no idea what this meant. This past week in my Sunday school class, the topic was the Codependent Relationship. I finally got it - this was us!

Here it is:

The Codependent Relationship is characterized by a weaker, dependent personality that needs to be connected to a stronger personality - and the stronger personality's need to be needed. Both personalities are insecure and become entangled in a web of emotional bondage. The two behaviors combine to produce a destructive cycle of manipulation and control, draining joy and happiness out of life.

Yep, this was us! I never would have thought, but tis true!

Codependency describes the dynamics in a relationship whereby both parties rely on each other for support as they get their own emotional needs met by seeking their identity in the other person's approval or provision.

1. A weak ,needy person and a second person who appears to be the stronger one- capable and self sufficient...

2. The weaker person is controlling and manipulating the person who appears to be the stronger party because of their insecurity, self -doubting, and need for approval...

Here are three biblical tests to discern codependency in yourself...

1. Is it difficult to speak the Truth in love? (Ephesians 4:15)
2. Do you enable harmful behavior in others by negating the consequences of that behavior? (Galatians 6:7-8a)
3. Can you distinguish between a "burden" and a "load"? (Galatians 6:1-5)

To develop relationships that are healthy and not codependent... RELEASE Responsibility- Jeremiah 17:5, 7-8; Proverbs 29:25

1. Recognize...
2. Examine...
3. Let go of...
4. Extend...
5. Appropriate...
6. Set...
7. Exchange...

I will take a closer look at RELEASE Responsibility in the next post.

Resource: When People Are Big and God Is Small; Edward T. Welch
Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing

For more information on Codependency visit: http://www.codependents.org/