COSA (from Lisa)

Well, I went to my first COSA meeting last evening. COSA is a 12-step recovery program for men and women whose lives have been affected by another person's compulsive sexual behavior (http://www.cosa-recovery.org/).

There are several meetings throughout the week, but last night happened to work for me. This meeting happened to be all women. Even though I have been going through this process and discovery for the past year, I am still amazed by how much sexual addiction has affected so many people's lives. These ladies were seemingly "normal" people. (I'm not sure anyone is normal). :-) This disease is so secretive. Hearing the stories from these ladies is just incredible. It's amazing how many of people are going through this same thing, but it's just not talked about. It's so silent. Everyone lives in their own secretive pain. Why should we have to keep this a secret? I know it's "taboo". And, yes, there are plenty of people out there who judge and I believe because they don't understand what the definition of sex addiction is, or they have issues in this area themselves that they do not want to admit.

Before December 16, 2008 had you asked me what a sex addict was, I would have said I thought it was someone who was addicted to having sex. Someone who wanted sex all the time. In my short experience as I have discovered this is true in some cases, but most sex addicts isolate themselves. In my husbands case, he didn't like who he was. So he could not "give" to others. He isolated himself. Although we were married, we were at the point where we started to live separate lives. I would go to bed, he would stay up. I asked what he was doing. His answer was always the same: "I'm not tired", "I'm working", "I'm...", "I'm...", "I'm..." I would wake up in the middle of the night, and he would still be up on he computer. I honestly thought he was a workaholic. The thought never came into my mind that he could be a sex addict. I had no idea.

But, there is hope. I have found it. My days are still rough. I feel like I am floundering (like the fish). I'm not sure of myself, who I am, or what I am supposed to be doing. Some days I just try to get through the day. But, it's kind of interesting to see where I was, and where I am now. I still have a long way to go, but with the help of God, my therapy group, my family, my pastor, and my hard head, I will persevere. And, I pray that David and I make it through this together. And I know we will be stronger on the other end.

--Lisa