David sent me this blog post. It is dated October 19, 2009.
David writes:
I was corresponding with someone the other day and the subject of looking back vs. looking forward came up. How do we find that balance between not dwelling on the past but also taking the time to learn from it, without sacrificing today?
While I don't claim to have an answer, I do, as usual, have some thoughts on the topic. I can't remember who said it first, but I do believe that if we don't learn from the past we are doomed to repeat it. I know this from first-hand experience. Trust me. I also believe that we can't live in the past. That we must live one day at a time.
I don't think these are exclusive. I believe we can explore our past while we use those lessons to make today better. And some things are so traumatic that we didn't or couldn't deal with it at the time, we can work through it now with the tools and support God gives us today.
So I think we HAVE to look backward to move forward. This doesn't mean we live in the past, just visit it every now and then to harvest some lessons and bring them home with us.
God bless,
David
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
What's the Difference? (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated October 17, 2009.
David writes:
I've been working on some type of recovery for the last 24 years. I first got introduced to the 12 steps when I entered treatment for drug and alcohol addiction in 1985. I've been clean and sober from both since then. I've worked the steps for food addiction and was even exposed to sex addiction recovery around 20 years ago. So I have a mixed record when it comes to recovery.
So what is different this time? There are two things that come to mind. First, I have finally been completely honest about my past, my behavior, and my addiction. Before all this I would hold back, especially as it relates to my sex addiction and past sexual behavior. Rigorous honesty is critical for making progress in recovery.
Second, and most importantly I believe, is that I have established a personal relationship with my higher power, in my case Christ. I have turned over my will and my life to him. Something I only did half heartedly before. So basically, I have actually worked the first three steps. Funny how that works. Follow the instructions and things come together.
God bless,
David
David writes:
I've been working on some type of recovery for the last 24 years. I first got introduced to the 12 steps when I entered treatment for drug and alcohol addiction in 1985. I've been clean and sober from both since then. I've worked the steps for food addiction and was even exposed to sex addiction recovery around 20 years ago. So I have a mixed record when it comes to recovery.
So what is different this time? There are two things that come to mind. First, I have finally been completely honest about my past, my behavior, and my addiction. Before all this I would hold back, especially as it relates to my sex addiction and past sexual behavior. Rigorous honesty is critical for making progress in recovery.
Second, and most importantly I believe, is that I have established a personal relationship with my higher power, in my case Christ. I have turned over my will and my life to him. Something I only did half heartedly before. So basically, I have actually worked the first three steps. Funny how that works. Follow the instructions and things come together.
God bless,
David
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Healing the Wounded (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated October 17, 2009.
David writes:
As I work through the book "The Wounded Heart", I have been thinking about the survivors of child pornography/sexual abuse. I pray everyday that they find a way to get help and that help finds them. The damage caused by abuse is so deep and insidious.
Not only does it damage the soul, but it also makes the survivor feel responsible for their abuse. That somehow they encouraged it or asked for it. That's one of the things that make recovery so difficult and painful. Why didn't we stop it? Why didn't we tell?? I could have done something.
While we can't go back and change what happened, we can take ownership of our recovery and use the resources available to move our lives forward. We're not responsible for the abuse, but we are responsible for our recovery.
It is painful and sad and brings up so much anger, fear, and resentment that we want to run and hide in our shame. This is where having a solid support system of therapist, friends, programs, and faith can make all the difference. Healing is the exact opposite of the isolation of abuse. If you haven't reached out to build a healing community, there is no better time than now. We're here for you.
God bless,
David
David writes:
As I work through the book "The Wounded Heart", I have been thinking about the survivors of child pornography/sexual abuse. I pray everyday that they find a way to get help and that help finds them. The damage caused by abuse is so deep and insidious.
Not only does it damage the soul, but it also makes the survivor feel responsible for their abuse. That somehow they encouraged it or asked for it. That's one of the things that make recovery so difficult and painful. Why didn't we stop it? Why didn't we tell?? I could have done something.
While we can't go back and change what happened, we can take ownership of our recovery and use the resources available to move our lives forward. We're not responsible for the abuse, but we are responsible for our recovery.
It is painful and sad and brings up so much anger, fear, and resentment that we want to run and hide in our shame. This is where having a solid support system of therapist, friends, programs, and faith can make all the difference. Healing is the exact opposite of the isolation of abuse. If you haven't reached out to build a healing community, there is no better time than now. We're here for you.
God bless,
David
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
What a Shame (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated October 16, 2009.
David writes:
Shame has been called a "hemorrhage of the soul" (Jean-Paul Sartre). For those of us who have felt the shame of abuse and addiction, this is an apt description. In some cases, shame is an appropriate response to inappropriate actions. But in the case of abuse survivors and addicts, shame is part of a downward spiral.
I felt shame from a very young age. From the experience with my cousin to the discovery of my fathers' pornography at age 9 to my first use of drugs at age 12. I knew in my soul that these things were wrong and filled me with shame. I spent the rest of my life running and hiding from this shame. I wore masks. I pushed people out of my life. I engaged in risky behavior. All to try to hide the shame I felt. Even when I had successes in my life (promotion, marriage, new home) I would run because I was afraid people would see me for the shameful fraud I really was. I've heard similar stories from many people in recovery.
So how do we overcome shame? My experience is to turn to a higher power, God, to provide my inner peace. I can't depend on jobs, people, drugs, or pornography to give me back my soul. Something greater than me is the only thing that can do it.
God bless,
David
David writes:
Shame has been called a "hemorrhage of the soul" (Jean-Paul Sartre). For those of us who have felt the shame of abuse and addiction, this is an apt description. In some cases, shame is an appropriate response to inappropriate actions. But in the case of abuse survivors and addicts, shame is part of a downward spiral.
I felt shame from a very young age. From the experience with my cousin to the discovery of my fathers' pornography at age 9 to my first use of drugs at age 12. I knew in my soul that these things were wrong and filled me with shame. I spent the rest of my life running and hiding from this shame. I wore masks. I pushed people out of my life. I engaged in risky behavior. All to try to hide the shame I felt. Even when I had successes in my life (promotion, marriage, new home) I would run because I was afraid people would see me for the shameful fraud I really was. I've heard similar stories from many people in recovery.
So how do we overcome shame? My experience is to turn to a higher power, God, to provide my inner peace. I can't depend on jobs, people, drugs, or pornography to give me back my soul. Something greater than me is the only thing that can do it.
God bless,
David
Monday, October 26, 2009
What's Your Excuse? (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated October 16, 2009.
David writes:
It's just porn. Every guy does it. You can see it on TV. At least I'm not cheating. I don't go to strip clubs. It's just skin. I still love you! Sound familiar? I could go on and on with excuses and rationale for viewing pornography. I was a master at it. Just ask Lisa. And I was so passionate about it. Then, once the excuses didn't work, I resorted to belittling my wife. Blaming her for my "need" for porn.
What's your excuse? Come on, you know you've got a few, too. One of the great freedoms of recovery is not needing to make excuses anymore. I no longer have to escape from my pain and shame, so I no longer have to justify my isolation and resentments. I don't have to try to look my wife in the eye and know that I'm crushing her trust and faith in me every time I made some flimsy, empty excuse for my behavior. NO MORE EXCUSES means a chance to have God remove the shame, fear, pain, and resentment.
So, one more time: What's your excuse?!
God bless,
David
David writes:
It's just porn. Every guy does it. You can see it on TV. At least I'm not cheating. I don't go to strip clubs. It's just skin. I still love you! Sound familiar? I could go on and on with excuses and rationale for viewing pornography. I was a master at it. Just ask Lisa. And I was so passionate about it. Then, once the excuses didn't work, I resorted to belittling my wife. Blaming her for my "need" for porn.
What's your excuse? Come on, you know you've got a few, too. One of the great freedoms of recovery is not needing to make excuses anymore. I no longer have to escape from my pain and shame, so I no longer have to justify my isolation and resentments. I don't have to try to look my wife in the eye and know that I'm crushing her trust and faith in me every time I made some flimsy, empty excuse for my behavior. NO MORE EXCUSES means a chance to have God remove the shame, fear, pain, and resentment.
So, one more time: What's your excuse?!
God bless,
David
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Healing a Wounded Heart (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated October 15, 2009.
David writes:
I still have a hard time accepting that what happened with me and my older female cousin is considered sexual abuse or molestation. But, whatever it was, had an impact on me. It is just one part of the process that shaped me into the adult I became. I've heard the same experiences from many others. A friend sent me a book and corresponding workbook entitled - Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Child Abuse. I've just started reading and working on it, but I've appreciated the approach so much I wanted to share about it.
The author, Dr. Dan B. Allender, takes what I think is a unique approach. He integrates both psychological and Biblical/Christian counseling strategies. This may be more common than I know, but I haven't run across anything like it before. He grounds both disciplines in a thoughtful and insightful way. I'm not one to promote a certain approach, but he seems to take a very gentle and prescriptive path in recovery from sexual abuse. If you're struggling as a survivor or if you are a spouse or family member looking to learn more about the matter, I suggest you check it out. Please let us know what you think.
God bless,
David
David writes:
I still have a hard time accepting that what happened with me and my older female cousin is considered sexual abuse or molestation. But, whatever it was, had an impact on me. It is just one part of the process that shaped me into the adult I became. I've heard the same experiences from many others. A friend sent me a book and corresponding workbook entitled - Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Child Abuse. I've just started reading and working on it, but I've appreciated the approach so much I wanted to share about it.
The author, Dr. Dan B. Allender, takes what I think is a unique approach. He integrates both psychological and Biblical/Christian counseling strategies. This may be more common than I know, but I haven't run across anything like it before. He grounds both disciplines in a thoughtful and insightful way. I'm not one to promote a certain approach, but he seems to take a very gentle and prescriptive path in recovery from sexual abuse. If you're struggling as a survivor or if you are a spouse or family member looking to learn more about the matter, I suggest you check it out. Please let us know what you think.
God bless,
David
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Opportunity Knocks (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated October 15, 2009.
David writes:
In my cell block we're let out an hour each day. During this time I shower, make calls, clean my cell, and walk around the block to stretch my legs. This is an important part of my day as it is the only time I can talk to Lisa. I wouldn't want to miss the opportunity.
The COs (Corrections Officers) don't let us know what time we're going to be let out. It changes everyday and can be anytime between 7:30am and 9:00pm. So we're always listening for the "click-click" of our doors that alert us that it is our turn. If we don't hear it because we are sleeping or listening to the radio or some other reason, too bad. We lose our rec time for that day. No buzzers, lights, or even a shout out that it is our turn. Needless to say, we wait with bated breath for our turn and are hyper-vigilant that we don't miss it.
This is how I have been thinking about this time in my life lately. This is an opportunity. God has given me the "click-click" of my life. I can choose to respond, open the door, and walk through to make something of it. Or I can ignore the opportunity and sit back in my own personal cell. No hitting the snooze, or asking for a wake-up call. I believe this is it. "Click-Click".
God bless,
David
David writes:
In my cell block we're let out an hour each day. During this time I shower, make calls, clean my cell, and walk around the block to stretch my legs. This is an important part of my day as it is the only time I can talk to Lisa. I wouldn't want to miss the opportunity.
The COs (Corrections Officers) don't let us know what time we're going to be let out. It changes everyday and can be anytime between 7:30am and 9:00pm. So we're always listening for the "click-click" of our doors that alert us that it is our turn. If we don't hear it because we are sleeping or listening to the radio or some other reason, too bad. We lose our rec time for that day. No buzzers, lights, or even a shout out that it is our turn. Needless to say, we wait with bated breath for our turn and are hyper-vigilant that we don't miss it.
This is how I have been thinking about this time in my life lately. This is an opportunity. God has given me the "click-click" of my life. I can choose to respond, open the door, and walk through to make something of it. Or I can ignore the opportunity and sit back in my own personal cell. No hitting the snooze, or asking for a wake-up call. I believe this is it. "Click-Click".
God bless,
David
Thursday, October 22, 2009
A Look Back (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated October 13, 2009.
David writes:
This week I was blessed to reach my nine month sobriety anniversary in my recovery from sex addiction. I take no credit for myself. Only through the grace of God and the support and influence of my wife, Dr. Donna Peaslee, and all the group members at CTSD, have I been able to string together 270 days of abstinence and sobriety.
What makes this particularly remarkable for me is that it is the first time since I was 9 years old that I have been free of any mind-altering drug or behavior for more than a few days. I've been sober from drugs and alcohol for 24+ years, but I have always acted out on my pornography addiction so for 34 years my mind, body, and soul have been conditioned to make myself feel better, and OK with who I am through mind-altering behavior. It is just short of a miracle that I am sober today. And the gifts continue, even as I sit in jail. It would have been easy to use this time as an excuse to turn to compulsive masturbation and fantasy to escape this world that I now face. But through my higher power - God - I've been granted the courage, serenity, and wisdom to stay sober one day at a time. If I can do it, anybody can.
God bless,
David
David writes:
This week I was blessed to reach my nine month sobriety anniversary in my recovery from sex addiction. I take no credit for myself. Only through the grace of God and the support and influence of my wife, Dr. Donna Peaslee, and all the group members at CTSD, have I been able to string together 270 days of abstinence and sobriety.
What makes this particularly remarkable for me is that it is the first time since I was 9 years old that I have been free of any mind-altering drug or behavior for more than a few days. I've been sober from drugs and alcohol for 24+ years, but I have always acted out on my pornography addiction so for 34 years my mind, body, and soul have been conditioned to make myself feel better, and OK with who I am through mind-altering behavior. It is just short of a miracle that I am sober today. And the gifts continue, even as I sit in jail. It would have been easy to use this time as an excuse to turn to compulsive masturbation and fantasy to escape this world that I now face. But through my higher power - God - I've been granted the courage, serenity, and wisdom to stay sober one day at a time. If I can do it, anybody can.
God bless,
David
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Strength in Numbers (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated October 12, 2009.
David writes:
We continue to get correspondence from people who have heard about our story and are having similar struggles. Lisa gets them every day via email and on the blog. I've gotten a number via snail mail here in jail. I'm not surprised by the number of people who are trying to find a way out of their sex addiction or are trying to help a family member. What I am surprised by is the desperation and fear these people have of reaching out for help.
The stigma of people struggling with sexually based addiction (not even child pornography) is so strong that individuals choose to continue acting out rather than get help. What I've heard from those that have contacted us is that they are gaining strength and conviction from all those who are part of FromShame2Grace. Even though we do have some who are detractors, which I understand, the messages encouraging us are so moving and supportive.
We're truly seeing strength in numbers and what it truly means to go from the isolation of shame to the freedom of grace. I pray every day that we touch just one life. God is answering that prayer everyday.
God bless,
David
David writes:
We continue to get correspondence from people who have heard about our story and are having similar struggles. Lisa gets them every day via email and on the blog. I've gotten a number via snail mail here in jail. I'm not surprised by the number of people who are trying to find a way out of their sex addiction or are trying to help a family member. What I am surprised by is the desperation and fear these people have of reaching out for help.
The stigma of people struggling with sexually based addiction (not even child pornography) is so strong that individuals choose to continue acting out rather than get help. What I've heard from those that have contacted us is that they are gaining strength and conviction from all those who are part of FromShame2Grace. Even though we do have some who are detractors, which I understand, the messages encouraging us are so moving and supportive.
We're truly seeing strength in numbers and what it truly means to go from the isolation of shame to the freedom of grace. I pray every day that we touch just one life. God is answering that prayer everyday.
God bless,
David
My Realization(s) (from Lisa)
Over the last several months, I have realized a few things that I want to share.
1. Everyone is fighting a hard battle.
Through this whole "incident", I have become more compassionate for other people. I realize that almost everyone is struggling with something challenging. It's easy to get angry or frustrated with people until you know their story. It's hard to share your pain as everyone else seems "happy" and "normal". But as I have discovered, most people are not truly happy or normal, and everyone is fighting a hard battle.
2. God is in the Small Stuff.
David and I, although we are not physically together, are both reading a book called, "God is in the Small Stuff and It All Matters". I love this book! The chapters are very small and I read it before I go to bed every night. It makes me realize that I don't need alot to be happy. It's simple things like walking in the park, playing in the rain, and seeing the ocean. You don't need a big house, alot of money, fancy cars, etc... to be rich. Life is much more fun when you truly enjoy the small stuff.
3. God does exist.
I have questioned my faith off and on. I grew up going to church, but never truly enjoyed it. I just never connected to it. I got away from it during my college and single years. David and I were married in the church, but going to church was not part of our life together. Again, when this "incident" happened, I started questioning why we were put into this situation. David accepted Christ in February and was baptized. He attended church weekly and attended weekly bible studies. I was not in the same place he was spiritually. Being an engineer and logically minded, I have to figure things out. Some things in the bible just didn't make sense to me. I needed answers. When my husband was taken into custody, I was at the beach with my family. I remember standing facing the ocean and thinking how beautiful and powerful the ocean was. I began to think about how this great ocean could not be made my man, and had to come from something/someone much bigger, and my only answer was - God. I have realized that there are some things that I just won't be able to figure out and I have to accept them. God has a plan, and he knows what he is doing. But, I trust he is leading David and me in a positive direction.
4. I truly love my husband.
Before December 16, 2008, I knew I loved my husband. But there were disconnects in our relationship. I could not figure out what was wrong, but knew there was something. David would not truly let me in to see who he really was. He was scared that if I saw who he really was that I wouldn't love him. Now that I see who he really is, I couldn't love him more. He is the same man that I married, but without his addiction, he is so much more attentive, caring, and there for me (although not physically right now). We are more connected, and talk more than we have in the 6 years we have been married. I can now look into David's eyes and see who he truly is, and I love him. I don't know what God's plan is for us in the long run, but all I can do is pray that we stay strong through this and perhaps help others along the way.
I'm sure there are other realizations, but I'm tired. Goodnight all. Talk to you tomorrow.
-Lisa
1. Everyone is fighting a hard battle.
Through this whole "incident", I have become more compassionate for other people. I realize that almost everyone is struggling with something challenging. It's easy to get angry or frustrated with people until you know their story. It's hard to share your pain as everyone else seems "happy" and "normal". But as I have discovered, most people are not truly happy or normal, and everyone is fighting a hard battle.
2. God is in the Small Stuff.
David and I, although we are not physically together, are both reading a book called, "God is in the Small Stuff and It All Matters". I love this book! The chapters are very small and I read it before I go to bed every night. It makes me realize that I don't need alot to be happy. It's simple things like walking in the park, playing in the rain, and seeing the ocean. You don't need a big house, alot of money, fancy cars, etc... to be rich. Life is much more fun when you truly enjoy the small stuff.
3. God does exist.
I have questioned my faith off and on. I grew up going to church, but never truly enjoyed it. I just never connected to it. I got away from it during my college and single years. David and I were married in the church, but going to church was not part of our life together. Again, when this "incident" happened, I started questioning why we were put into this situation. David accepted Christ in February and was baptized. He attended church weekly and attended weekly bible studies. I was not in the same place he was spiritually. Being an engineer and logically minded, I have to figure things out. Some things in the bible just didn't make sense to me. I needed answers. When my husband was taken into custody, I was at the beach with my family. I remember standing facing the ocean and thinking how beautiful and powerful the ocean was. I began to think about how this great ocean could not be made my man, and had to come from something/someone much bigger, and my only answer was - God. I have realized that there are some things that I just won't be able to figure out and I have to accept them. God has a plan, and he knows what he is doing. But, I trust he is leading David and me in a positive direction.
4. I truly love my husband.
Before December 16, 2008, I knew I loved my husband. But there were disconnects in our relationship. I could not figure out what was wrong, but knew there was something. David would not truly let me in to see who he really was. He was scared that if I saw who he really was that I wouldn't love him. Now that I see who he really is, I couldn't love him more. He is the same man that I married, but without his addiction, he is so much more attentive, caring, and there for me (although not physically right now). We are more connected, and talk more than we have in the 6 years we have been married. I can now look into David's eyes and see who he truly is, and I love him. I don't know what God's plan is for us in the long run, but all I can do is pray that we stay strong through this and perhaps help others along the way.
I'm sure there are other realizations, but I'm tired. Goodnight all. Talk to you tomorrow.
-Lisa
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Experience, Strength, and Hope (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated October 11, 2009.
David writes:
Regular readers of FS2G.com will likely have noticed we have another contributor. Linda has graciously agreed to share her story and insights. And her story is an amazing one of survival, perseverance, and hope. If you haven't read her posts, please take a moment to do so, and keep an eye out for future installments from her and others. Our goal with FS2G.com is that it become a hub for experience, strength, and hope for those looking for a way out of sex addiction, pornography addiction, and related problems. We also want it to be a place for family and friends looking for hope for themselves and the one they love who is struggling with addiction. If you have other sites, resources, books, or your own experience you would like to share, please email us at david@fromshame2grace.com. This community is already making a difference and we can do more. Thank you for all your support and interest. God has blessed us with this opportunity and we don't want to squander it.
God bless,
David
David writes:
Regular readers of FS2G.com will likely have noticed we have another contributor. Linda has graciously agreed to share her story and insights. And her story is an amazing one of survival, perseverance, and hope. If you haven't read her posts, please take a moment to do so, and keep an eye out for future installments from her and others. Our goal with FS2G.com is that it become a hub for experience, strength, and hope for those looking for a way out of sex addiction, pornography addiction, and related problems. We also want it to be a place for family and friends looking for hope for themselves and the one they love who is struggling with addiction. If you have other sites, resources, books, or your own experience you would like to share, please email us at david@fromshame2grace.com. This community is already making a difference and we can do more. Thank you for all your support and interest. God has blessed us with this opportunity and we don't want to squander it.
God bless,
David
Friday, October 16, 2009
Go Fish (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated October 11, 2009.
David writes:
We were out fishing the day before I went to court. It was me, my brother, my brother-in-law, and a guide. We were off the Emerald Isle coast fishing for Spanish mackarel. We caught one, but then went cold. We saw a school of what the guide called fat alberts or tunis. Kind of like a tuna, but not real good to eat. But they are great fighters. We pointed the boat to the school, cast it out, and landed one or two. The school would go under and another would pop up a ways away, so we would drive over there real fast, catch a few, then move on to the next one. It was a great rush and lots of fun, but after a while it got a little boring doing the same thing over and over, so we decided to go in. Pornography addiction is alot like that. I would find a site or type of pornography that seemed to really fill my needs and I would chase it until it lost its lure. Then I would move on to the next type. And it seemed like I needed to find something more taboo, more extreme to get the same rush. It was an endless chase with a disastrous ending. If you're in the midst of chasing the next pornography high, now is the time to head back to the dock before it is too late. Reach out and ask for help.
God bless,
David
David writes:
We were out fishing the day before I went to court. It was me, my brother, my brother-in-law, and a guide. We were off the Emerald Isle coast fishing for Spanish mackarel. We caught one, but then went cold. We saw a school of what the guide called fat alberts or tunis. Kind of like a tuna, but not real good to eat. But they are great fighters. We pointed the boat to the school, cast it out, and landed one or two. The school would go under and another would pop up a ways away, so we would drive over there real fast, catch a few, then move on to the next one. It was a great rush and lots of fun, but after a while it got a little boring doing the same thing over and over, so we decided to go in. Pornography addiction is alot like that. I would find a site or type of pornography that seemed to really fill my needs and I would chase it until it lost its lure. Then I would move on to the next type. And it seemed like I needed to find something more taboo, more extreme to get the same rush. It was an endless chase with a disastrous ending. If you're in the midst of chasing the next pornography high, now is the time to head back to the dock before it is too late. Reach out and ask for help.
God bless,
David
Elle.com article
Elle.com has a great article about Sex Addiction. The article was written by the girlfriend of a sex addict.
http://www.elle.com/Life-Love/Sex-Relationships/Sexy-Beast
http://www.elle.com/Life-Love/Sex-Relationships/Sexy-Beast
Thursday, October 15, 2009
There is hope
First of all, I would like to thank David and Lisa for allowing me to contribute to their blog. The fact they are willing to put their lives on display for the purpose of helping others with this affliction is both courageous and inspiring. Like Lisa, I am also the wife of a sex addict. My husband and I have been together for almost six years and married for two. I had absolutely no clue he even had an addiction – much less a sex addiction. Like most people, I didn’t even really know what sex addiction was. My only concept of the definition was either someone who liked to have a lot of sex or a dirty old man in back room of a porn store. Needless to say, over the last year ½, that definition has been blown out of the water. I am truly married to the guy next door. He’s intelligent, comes from a great family and is very high functioning. I had suspected that there was something going on in our marriage due to the disconnection we had that seemed to grow and fester but never would have guessed this. My eyes have been opened to the reality of this affliction and how many victims it has taken. For those who are reading this blog who are either secretly suffering from sex addiction or has a partner who is a sex addict, I want to offer you hope. While the last couple of years have been the hardest of my life, this discovery has been a gift. We have a long way to go, but the intimacy we have achieved through this journey to recovery is deeper than I could have ever imagined.
- Wife of an addict
- Wife of an addict
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Internet Pornography Statistics
In doing my research, I found this and thought it was something that ought to be shared:
http://www.internet-filter-review.toptenreviews.com/internet-pornography-statistics.html
http://www.internet-filter-review.toptenreviews.com/internet-pornography-statistics.html
What's Your AQ? (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated October 8, 2009.
David writes:
Your I.Q.(Intelligence Quotient) is one way to measure just how smart you are. It also indicates how well you solve problems. I was thinking about how to measure one's accountability and thought some sort of test that produces an Accountability Quotient might be interesting.
By accountability I mean being personally responsible to those in our life who are important to us. That includes God, family, and friends. And specifically, I want to focus on our accountability around sexual matters. It seems our society almost encourages making us unaccountable for our behaviors and their impact on those around us. Looking around at our celebrity-centered, no-boundaries culture, it's safe to say most people would prefer not to be accountable to anyone.
This AQ test is still a work in progress, so I welcome feedback and suggestions. I still haven't figured out how to "score" it and weight the various questions, and I think we can sharpen the questions I've come up with as well as add more of them. Ultimately, I would like to come up with the various ranges of scores that identify just how accountable you are in your life. Here is where I am at this point.
FS2G Accountability Quotient (1.0)
1. Do you look at pornography?
A. If so, how often?
B. If so, does your spouse know?
2. Do you have pornography in your home? (i.e., magazines, videos, or on your computer?)
3. Do you use accountability software?
4. Do you use filtering software?
5. Do you block TV shows/channels with adult content? (not just pornography, but shows that contain sexual content and nudity)
6. Do your children have their own computer in their room?
A. If so, does it have accountability and filter software?
7. Has your child seen pornography?
8. Have you talked to your age-appropriate children about the negative impact of pornography?
9. Are you part of an accountability group or have an accountability partner?
10. At what age do you think it is acceptable to look at pornography?
a. under 13
b. 13-15
c. 16-18
d. 18-21
e. 22 and over
f. never
As I said, this AQ test is still a work in progress, so I welcome feedback and suggestions.
God bless,
David
David writes:
Your I.Q.(Intelligence Quotient) is one way to measure just how smart you are. It also indicates how well you solve problems. I was thinking about how to measure one's accountability and thought some sort of test that produces an Accountability Quotient might be interesting.
By accountability I mean being personally responsible to those in our life who are important to us. That includes God, family, and friends. And specifically, I want to focus on our accountability around sexual matters. It seems our society almost encourages making us unaccountable for our behaviors and their impact on those around us. Looking around at our celebrity-centered, no-boundaries culture, it's safe to say most people would prefer not to be accountable to anyone.
This AQ test is still a work in progress, so I welcome feedback and suggestions. I still haven't figured out how to "score" it and weight the various questions, and I think we can sharpen the questions I've come up with as well as add more of them. Ultimately, I would like to come up with the various ranges of scores that identify just how accountable you are in your life. Here is where I am at this point.
FS2G Accountability Quotient (1.0)
1. Do you look at pornography?
A. If so, how often?
B. If so, does your spouse know?
2. Do you have pornography in your home? (i.e., magazines, videos, or on your computer?)
3. Do you use accountability software?
4. Do you use filtering software?
5. Do you block TV shows/channels with adult content? (not just pornography, but shows that contain sexual content and nudity)
6. Do your children have their own computer in their room?
A. If so, does it have accountability and filter software?
7. Has your child seen pornography?
8. Have you talked to your age-appropriate children about the negative impact of pornography?
9. Are you part of an accountability group or have an accountability partner?
10. At what age do you think it is acceptable to look at pornography?
a. under 13
b. 13-15
c. 16-18
d. 18-21
e. 22 and over
f. never
As I said, this AQ test is still a work in progress, so I welcome feedback and suggestions.
God bless,
David
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Porn To Purity
Check out the website www.porntopurity.com. There are statistics about pornography and the church, blogs and podcasts, and resources. There is also a blog on there about David. So, check it out:
http://porntopurity.wordpress.com/2009/10/13/are-you-a-step-away-from-child-pornography/
God bless,
Lisa
http://porntopurity.wordpress.com/2009/10/13/are-you-a-step-away-from-child-pornography/
God bless,
Lisa
Sunday, October 11, 2009
The Gift that Keeps on Giving (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated October 6, 2009.
David writes:
Since I have a little extra time on my hands my therapist suggested I do some work in a book called "A Gift to Myself". The book has been around a while, and is focused on recovery from co-dependence and family dysfunction. Lucky for me, I claim both. And then some! Lisa had the book sent to me and I started digging in the last couple of weeks. One of the first exercises is to basically identify and prioritize the issues you need to work on. There are 31 questions like - Do you isolate yourself? and Do you fear being rejected? The answers are on a scale from never to always. Of course, my top two "issues" were self-esteem and intimate relationships. Go figure!! Anybody who knows me at all would have probably come up with the same results. These are like two albatross around my neck. As it is for many struggling with addiction. That's why we sought comfort in alcohol, drugs, sex, food, work, and anything else that isolated us and made us forget our self-loathing. Recovery has proven to help us overcome these and many other issues. But just like starting to work on "A Gift to Myself", I must take the first step and make the effort. It is not going to happen through osmosis.
God bless,
David
David writes:
Since I have a little extra time on my hands my therapist suggested I do some work in a book called "A Gift to Myself". The book has been around a while, and is focused on recovery from co-dependence and family dysfunction. Lucky for me, I claim both. And then some! Lisa had the book sent to me and I started digging in the last couple of weeks. One of the first exercises is to basically identify and prioritize the issues you need to work on. There are 31 questions like - Do you isolate yourself? and Do you fear being rejected? The answers are on a scale from never to always. Of course, my top two "issues" were self-esteem and intimate relationships. Go figure!! Anybody who knows me at all would have probably come up with the same results. These are like two albatross around my neck. As it is for many struggling with addiction. That's why we sought comfort in alcohol, drugs, sex, food, work, and anything else that isolated us and made us forget our self-loathing. Recovery has proven to help us overcome these and many other issues. But just like starting to work on "A Gift to Myself", I must take the first step and make the effort. It is not going to happen through osmosis.
God bless,
David
Lifetime of Hiding
I spent a lifetime hiding either through isolation, alcohol, drugs, sex, work, or food. And thus recovery is hard for me because I am constantly running to something else so that I can feel bad about me. Lately, I’ve been remembering details of being abused as a kid and I blame myself for the abuse. I was just a kid –but … (just fill in the blank). Because I am blaming me I am running to my addictions to feel even worse about me. Right now I’m struggling with isolation, sex, work, and food. I don’t want to remember nor feel those helpless feelings. I’m grateful for therapy because I have a place of real support. My friends, group and therapist help me see that I’m not alone; I am loveable; I matter; I can recover; and most important the abuse was not my fault. The latter is the one thing that I struggle with the most – I also know that I am not alone in this either. Many people that were abused as children believe that it was their fault. I’m learning that recovery is a process – it’s not something that we can take a pill for or go to therapy for a couple of months and be “cured”. Recovery is about being teachable and learning new habits, taking on new perspectives, thinking differently, and in most cases starting over. Recovery is a gift from God. If recovery wasn't hard then I might not be grateful for it and I might not need my relationship with God. Thanks God, help me and all your sick and suffering children.
Linda
Linda
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Operation Vacation (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated October 5, 2009.
David writes:
How do you gauge whether your vacation was a success? A good time? The weather cooperated? You caught more fish than you hoped? The accommodations were more luxurious than expected? You hit every giant ball of yarn, desert zoo, and wax museum you had on the list? Well, those all sound reasonable. Sadly, Lisa and I used to measure our vacations by the number of arguments. Our life was so filled with shame, resentment and fear that even our times dedicated to "fun" were generally exercises in tolerance. We would say, "That was a good vacation, we hardly argued." How sad is that? In contrast, the last few months we've measured the success of our vacations by how connected we were, how many times we showed affection, and how much time we spent laughing. We even considered it a success when we were crying with each other, not because of each other. I'm so grateful to our therapist and our support groups for helping us find what is truly important. So, whether we're going to Wilmington or Wally World, our time together is cherished and valued. If you're measuring lumps rather than love, there is still hope.
God bless,
David
David writes:
How do you gauge whether your vacation was a success? A good time? The weather cooperated? You caught more fish than you hoped? The accommodations were more luxurious than expected? You hit every giant ball of yarn, desert zoo, and wax museum you had on the list? Well, those all sound reasonable. Sadly, Lisa and I used to measure our vacations by the number of arguments. Our life was so filled with shame, resentment and fear that even our times dedicated to "fun" were generally exercises in tolerance. We would say, "That was a good vacation, we hardly argued." How sad is that? In contrast, the last few months we've measured the success of our vacations by how connected we were, how many times we showed affection, and how much time we spent laughing. We even considered it a success when we were crying with each other, not because of each other. I'm so grateful to our therapist and our support groups for helping us find what is truly important. So, whether we're going to Wilmington or Wally World, our time together is cherished and valued. If you're measuring lumps rather than love, there is still hope.
God bless,
David
Friday, October 9, 2009
Everything I Need To Know I Learned in Jail (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated October 5, 2009.
David writes:
Even though I've only been in jail for less than a month, I've learned a lot about life. At least an interesting version of life. Here are just a few tidbits I've garnered:
1. Think differently: Being locked in a cell for 23 hours can make you thirsty. But how can you get water through a steel door? It's as simple as a Frito's bag, ripped down the middle, slid between the door and the jamb. Just have someone pour the water from outside the door to you inside. Talk about outside the box!! Maybe later I'll tell you about an ingenious jail treat called a Steak Cake. Some of these guys should work for NASA!
2. What Comes Around Goes Around: This is basically the Golden Rule. Have an extra book? Get the guard to pass it down to the guy 2 cells down. When he's finished with the newspaper, he'll send it down to you. Have an extra stamp? Give it to a guy upstairs, and he'll give you an envelope when you need it.
3. Be yourself: Sounds a little trite, but you've probably heard the saying - You can't con a con. Believe it. Just be yourself. If you try to put on a facade, you'll get called out in a second.
4. Don't waste food: This is a huge sin here. It should be out there. You will get some grief if you throw away food. If you don't eat the mystery meat for lunch, the guy next door will. Pass it down. You thought your mom was tough with the "Starving child in Africa" thing. Try telling my buddy next door that you threw away the chicken-fried steak.
5. Real men cry: Believe it or not, I've seen some big men in here shed real tears. Especially when they talk about their kids and the mistakes they've made in their lives. They may not stand in the middle of the block and do it, but get them one-on-one and get real and watch the water works start.
How does all this relate to (FS2G)From Shame 2 Grace? Well, part of growing in recovery and spiritually is to be teachable. Learn what you can where you can. I'm remaining teachable, even in here, and I believe I'm better for it.
God bless,
David
David writes:
Even though I've only been in jail for less than a month, I've learned a lot about life. At least an interesting version of life. Here are just a few tidbits I've garnered:
1. Think differently: Being locked in a cell for 23 hours can make you thirsty. But how can you get water through a steel door? It's as simple as a Frito's bag, ripped down the middle, slid between the door and the jamb. Just have someone pour the water from outside the door to you inside. Talk about outside the box!! Maybe later I'll tell you about an ingenious jail treat called a Steak Cake. Some of these guys should work for NASA!
2. What Comes Around Goes Around: This is basically the Golden Rule. Have an extra book? Get the guard to pass it down to the guy 2 cells down. When he's finished with the newspaper, he'll send it down to you. Have an extra stamp? Give it to a guy upstairs, and he'll give you an envelope when you need it.
3. Be yourself: Sounds a little trite, but you've probably heard the saying - You can't con a con. Believe it. Just be yourself. If you try to put on a facade, you'll get called out in a second.
4. Don't waste food: This is a huge sin here. It should be out there. You will get some grief if you throw away food. If you don't eat the mystery meat for lunch, the guy next door will. Pass it down. You thought your mom was tough with the "Starving child in Africa" thing. Try telling my buddy next door that you threw away the chicken-fried steak.
5. Real men cry: Believe it or not, I've seen some big men in here shed real tears. Especially when they talk about their kids and the mistakes they've made in their lives. They may not stand in the middle of the block and do it, but get them one-on-one and get real and watch the water works start.
How does all this relate to (FS2G)From Shame 2 Grace? Well, part of growing in recovery and spiritually is to be teachable. Learn what you can where you can. I'm remaining teachable, even in here, and I believe I'm better for it.
God bless,
David
Thursday, October 8, 2009
A Defining Moment (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated October 4, 2009.
David writes:
A friend sent me a book of word games/puzzles. Things like crosswords, but usually with a twist. One of them provides the word and you have to fill in the definition using a given list of words. Some of the words seem to fit, but as I fill in the rest of the definitions, it's obvious it is close, but wrong. I just couldn't make my definition work. It wasn't what the author had in mind. I step back and take another look and try again. In recovery, this seems to play out as well. Even though I think I know what is supposed to happen, or at least what I want to happen, it may not be what the Author has in mind. As with the word puzzle, I have to step back, and try again. Taking a few minutes to listen to that still, small voice inside to guide me. I also need to ask others for help. Admit that I don't have all the answers. I've been known to have problems with this. Just ask Lisa. Today I can, and do admit I need help and don't know it all. Not all the time, but I work to be humble and teachable. In my current position, that is not that difficult. So, rather than try to make up my own answers, I think I'll rely on the original Author, God, to help me define things. Maybe I am learning after all.
God bless,
David
David writes:
A friend sent me a book of word games/puzzles. Things like crosswords, but usually with a twist. One of them provides the word and you have to fill in the definition using a given list of words. Some of the words seem to fit, but as I fill in the rest of the definitions, it's obvious it is close, but wrong. I just couldn't make my definition work. It wasn't what the author had in mind. I step back and take another look and try again. In recovery, this seems to play out as well. Even though I think I know what is supposed to happen, or at least what I want to happen, it may not be what the Author has in mind. As with the word puzzle, I have to step back, and try again. Taking a few minutes to listen to that still, small voice inside to guide me. I also need to ask others for help. Admit that I don't have all the answers. I've been known to have problems with this. Just ask Lisa. Today I can, and do admit I need help and don't know it all. Not all the time, but I work to be humble and teachable. In my current position, that is not that difficult. So, rather than try to make up my own answers, I think I'll rely on the original Author, God, to help me define things. Maybe I am learning after all.
God bless,
David
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Happy Anniversary? (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated October 4, 2009.
David writes:
October 4th was our sixth wedding anniversary. Lisa and I have been together for 10 years, but married for six. As you can imagine, I greeted this anniversary with mixed emotions. I'm so grateful to have Lisa in my life and for God blessing us with 6 years of marriage. But, I'm also so ashamed and remorseful that Lisa has to spend her anniversary with her husband in jail for receipt of child pornography. I thank God each day for Lisa and pray that he helps us to keep our marriage strong during this time of separation. I have no idea what he has in store for us, but no matter what, I have faith that he will come out of this better than we went into it. I can only imagine the pain I've caused Lisa (and others) the last 10 years. Some may call her foolish for sticking with me through it all. I choose to believe that God put us together for a reason. And kept us together for a reason. If he does decide that we are to remain together, I am doing everything I can to make the rest of our life as positive, productive, and God-centered as possible. Since I couldn't give her a maternal gift this year, I'm giving Lisa my daily commitment to God, our marriage, and recovery. Anybody have a bow I could borrow?
God bless,
David
David writes:
October 4th was our sixth wedding anniversary. Lisa and I have been together for 10 years, but married for six. As you can imagine, I greeted this anniversary with mixed emotions. I'm so grateful to have Lisa in my life and for God blessing us with 6 years of marriage. But, I'm also so ashamed and remorseful that Lisa has to spend her anniversary with her husband in jail for receipt of child pornography. I thank God each day for Lisa and pray that he helps us to keep our marriage strong during this time of separation. I have no idea what he has in store for us, but no matter what, I have faith that he will come out of this better than we went into it. I can only imagine the pain I've caused Lisa (and others) the last 10 years. Some may call her foolish for sticking with me through it all. I choose to believe that God put us together for a reason. And kept us together for a reason. If he does decide that we are to remain together, I am doing everything I can to make the rest of our life as positive, productive, and God-centered as possible. Since I couldn't give her a maternal gift this year, I'm giving Lisa my daily commitment to God, our marriage, and recovery. Anybody have a bow I could borrow?
God bless,
David
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Five Keys to the Game (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated October 1, 2009.
David writes:
It is football season again and every pre-game show does the keys to the game, what must each team do to win? Usually they are something like: score first, create turnovers, convert in the red zone or something along those lines. I was thinking about what the five keys to getting help for sex/pornography addiction. I didn't come up with anything earth-shattering, but I did come up with five things that I believe foster a good shot at getting help.
1. Honesty - Be honest with yourself and your significant other(s) about your problem, secrets, shame, and guilt are what keep you sick.
2. Accountability - Take steps to limit your risks. Use software like Covenant Eyes
http://www.covenanteyes.com/?promocode=shame2grace, set up an accountability partner and keep your behavior public.
3. Responsibility - Seek help from support groups, therapists, pastors, friends, and family. We can't do it alone.
4. Recovery - Work a program of recovery. If you're not moving forward, you're going backward.
5. Giving - We keep what we have by giving it away. Share your strength, hope, and experience.
Like I said, not earth-shattering, but it was on my mind so I thought I would share. Go Team!
God bless,
David
David writes:
It is football season again and every pre-game show does the keys to the game, what must each team do to win? Usually they are something like: score first, create turnovers, convert in the red zone or something along those lines. I was thinking about what the five keys to getting help for sex/pornography addiction. I didn't come up with anything earth-shattering, but I did come up with five things that I believe foster a good shot at getting help.
1. Honesty - Be honest with yourself and your significant other(s) about your problem, secrets, shame, and guilt are what keep you sick.
2. Accountability - Take steps to limit your risks. Use software like Covenant Eyes
http://www.covenanteyes.com/?promocode=shame2grace, set up an accountability partner and keep your behavior public.
3. Responsibility - Seek help from support groups, therapists, pastors, friends, and family. We can't do it alone.
4. Recovery - Work a program of recovery. If you're not moving forward, you're going backward.
5. Giving - We keep what we have by giving it away. Share your strength, hope, and experience.
Like I said, not earth-shattering, but it was on my mind so I thought I would share. Go Team!
God bless,
David
Monday, October 5, 2009
Making a Difference (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated September 30, 2009.
David writes:
Ever since Lisa and I started out initiative we've said our mission(s) is to raise awareness of the real harm of child pornography and mainstream pornography; decrease the demand for both; offer people hope and resources to find a way out of sex addiction; and to encourage personal accountability and responsibility. We're seeing progress each day. We've heard from so many people who are struggling, or have a family member struggling with pornography, and found hope and direction from our work. We know a number of people have reached out to therapist's like Dr. Donna Peaslee after reading the N&O piece:
http://www.newsobserver.com/news/crime_safety/story/45389.html
We thank God that what we started out as just two people sharing their experience, strength and hope has grown into a real grassroots effort that seems to be making a difference. If you have suggestions on how we can extend our efforts please feel free to pass them on. We are so grateful to everyone for their support and feedback.
God bless,
David
David writes:
Ever since Lisa and I started out initiative we've said our mission(s) is to raise awareness of the real harm of child pornography and mainstream pornography; decrease the demand for both; offer people hope and resources to find a way out of sex addiction; and to encourage personal accountability and responsibility. We're seeing progress each day. We've heard from so many people who are struggling, or have a family member struggling with pornography, and found hope and direction from our work. We know a number of people have reached out to therapist's like Dr. Donna Peaslee after reading the N&O piece:
http://www.newsobserver.com/news/crime_safety/story/45389.html
We thank God that what we started out as just two people sharing their experience, strength and hope has grown into a real grassroots effort that seems to be making a difference. If you have suggestions on how we can extend our efforts please feel free to pass them on. We are so grateful to everyone for their support and feedback.
God bless,
David
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Wonder Woman (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated September 29, 2009.
David writes:
Lisa is amazing. I am just in awe of how much she has evolved since December of last year. Even in just the last few months her progress is remarkable. She is such a courageous, compassionate, and committed woman. She has become the most incredible wife, friend, sister, daughter, and confidant. I can see the love in her eyes. Not just for me, but for everyone. We are a team now. Not at odds over everything. We are working toward the same goals and have the same hopes and prayers. Next to accepting Christ, this has been the single biggest gift of this entire incident. If all I walk away with is a relationship with Christ and a relationship with my wife, I will be more content than I have ever been my entire life. Lisa is my hero. My Wonder Woman. She has survived over 10 years with me, withstood the challenges of recovery and is standing strong against the slings and arrows of those who think we should just fade away quietly. I thank God every day for her. She is making a difference in so many lives.
God bless,
David
David writes:
Lisa is amazing. I am just in awe of how much she has evolved since December of last year. Even in just the last few months her progress is remarkable. She is such a courageous, compassionate, and committed woman. She has become the most incredible wife, friend, sister, daughter, and confidant. I can see the love in her eyes. Not just for me, but for everyone. We are a team now. Not at odds over everything. We are working toward the same goals and have the same hopes and prayers. Next to accepting Christ, this has been the single biggest gift of this entire incident. If all I walk away with is a relationship with Christ and a relationship with my wife, I will be more content than I have ever been my entire life. Lisa is my hero. My Wonder Woman. She has survived over 10 years with me, withstood the challenges of recovery and is standing strong against the slings and arrows of those who think we should just fade away quietly. I thank God every day for her. She is making a difference in so many lives.
God bless,
David
Saturday, October 3, 2009
My Kind of Rain (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated September 27, 2009.
David writes:
I could hear it raining last night. It was more than a sprinkle, but not quite a storm. Just one of those nice soaking rains that seem to make everything refreshed and renewed. The grass perks up, the streets look cleaner, the dust is washed off the cars. Sometimes we need one of these rains in our life. Something to come along and refresh us, make us more alive. I think this is where I am now. Even though things are cloudy and it is raining right now, I know that after the rain, our life is going to take on a fresh new look. We've already seen glimpses of this over the last 9 months. Bring on the rain!
God Bless,
David
David writes:
I could hear it raining last night. It was more than a sprinkle, but not quite a storm. Just one of those nice soaking rains that seem to make everything refreshed and renewed. The grass perks up, the streets look cleaner, the dust is washed off the cars. Sometimes we need one of these rains in our life. Something to come along and refresh us, make us more alive. I think this is where I am now. Even though things are cloudy and it is raining right now, I know that after the rain, our life is going to take on a fresh new look. We've already seen glimpses of this over the last 9 months. Bring on the rain!
God Bless,
David
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Wisdom = Knowledge + Understanding (from David)
David sent me this blog post. It is dated September 26, 2009.
David writes:
I used to think(and still do at weak moments) that I was a fairly intelligent guy. I would wonder "How could I be so smart and be doing this?" What I've come to realize is that I may have had some intelligence, but I had no wisdom. As I read various books including the Bible, I've had this theme arise a number of times. Wisdom is having BOTH Knowledge & Understanding. I knew a lot of things. I knew pornography had destroyed my first marriage and was on the verge of taking another. I knew I was lying to my wife, family, and friends. I knew looking at child pornography was wrong on so many levels. But, this was all at a very superficial layer of knowing. I hadn't actually come to understand these things, or really to internalize them and believe them. I was the epitome of the unwise fool. Today I strive to not just know something, but to also understand it, especially when it comes to my relationships with Christ, my wife, my family, and friends. I don't know that I will ever be WISE. But, I do want to strive for wisdom every day.
God Bless,
David
David writes:
I used to think(and still do at weak moments) that I was a fairly intelligent guy. I would wonder "How could I be so smart and be doing this?" What I've come to realize is that I may have had some intelligence, but I had no wisdom. As I read various books including the Bible, I've had this theme arise a number of times. Wisdom is having BOTH Knowledge & Understanding. I knew a lot of things. I knew pornography had destroyed my first marriage and was on the verge of taking another. I knew I was lying to my wife, family, and friends. I knew looking at child pornography was wrong on so many levels. But, this was all at a very superficial layer of knowing. I hadn't actually come to understand these things, or really to internalize them and believe them. I was the epitome of the unwise fool. Today I strive to not just know something, but to also understand it, especially when it comes to my relationships with Christ, my wife, my family, and friends. I don't know that I will ever be WISE. But, I do want to strive for wisdom every day.
God Bless,
David
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