The Article (from David)

David sent me this blog post. It is dated September 24, 2009.

David writes:

I finally received a copy of the N&O story from Sunday. I've read it a number of times and wanted to share my thoughts. I'll keep it brief. First, let me say that working with the reporter was a good experience. Ms. Locke was professional, thoughtful, and insightful. She was open about her process and we were never in doubt about her mission: to tell a compelling story. As far as the article goes, I thought it was a fair telling of our story. I was neither painted as a monster nor a martyr. I think she did a great job of detailing my relationship with Lisa. She also made a point of showing the progression of my pornography addiction. As far as any criticism, I wish there had been more focus on resources for people in similar circumstances. I also wish she would have talked about the research around the harm all porn does to kids and adults. And the side bar article mentioning the Butner study could have benefited from another opinion, as I know that study has been refuted by a number of professionals, including Dr. Peaslee. I see this article as just a start, not an end. I hope it generates attention and discussion. And from what I have heard it has done that. Our goal was to shine light on this issue and get people to take action and personal responsibility. I pray we reached a few people.

God Bless,
David

Hooked on Porn

The Patriot Ledger did a three-part special report called "Hooked on Porn". I thought it was very informational including resources for help and information.

http://www.patriotledger.com/news/special_reports/x1358732308/HOOKED-ON-PORN-Our-special-report-on-pornography-addiction

Freakonomics meets Hope-onomics (from David)

David sent me this blog post. It is dated September 23, 2009.

David writes:

As I have a lot of time to read these days, I've been receiving books from friends and family. Some are the standard escapist fare like Stephen King and James Patterson, while others provide some thought-provoking fodder like "God is in the Small Stuff". Another one in this vein is "Freakonomics" by Levitt & Dunber. Their book takes every day issues and filters them through the lens of an economist. As simple as whether there is cheating in Japanese Sumo wrestling and as controversial as whether or not legalized abortion caused a massive drop in U.S. crime in the 90's. While I'm about as far away from an economist as one could get, it got me thinking about putting numbers to the child pornography issue and the potential impact our initiative might have. I am using very unscientific numbers, but I think I'm being extremely conservative since we do know for sure that at least 20,000 child pornography images are uploaded to the Internet everyday. So if we start with a conservative number that only 10,000 people in the U.S. are each actively looking at only 100 child pornography images per year. This means child pornography victims are being re-victimized 1 million times each year. Again, conservative, in my opinion. If we can impact just 1 percent of the 10,000 people(100), that means we can reduce the re-victimization by 10,000 images per year. At 10 percent impact, that number jumps to 100,000 fewer incidents. While just a drop in the bucket, if we can get the ball rolling, and get into the public consciousness, we CAN make a difference. It all adds up.

Truth + Accountability - Shame = Hope.

How do we do this?
1. Be personally responsible and accountable around pornography and sexuality (Bottom line - No Porn).
2. Hold others accountable.
3. Be honest with kids(age-appropriate) that all pornography is harmful.
4. Seek out help if you or a family member is struggling with pornography (including child pornography).

Pornography addiction is progressive and will lead to more destructive behavior if untreated. Including escalating to child pornography, infidelity, flashing, casual/indescriminate sex and to divorce, jail, death. Don't wait. No better time than now.

God Bless,
David

David's Testimony is on Covenant Eyes

http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/2009/09/14/testimony-i-am-facing-8-years-in-prison-for-child-pornography/

The Brain Science of Pornography Addiction

http://safety.bhall.com/2009/09/brain-science-of-pornography-addiction.html

My Life in a Box (from David)

David sent me this blog post. It is dated September 20, 2009.

David writes:

In this particular jail you're given a plastic box that's probably 18"X24"X12". Everything you "own" in jail must fit inside that box. They usually contain writing materials, books, magazines, underwear(clean), pictures, letters from outside, etc...Since I have only been here 1 week. mine is 1/5 full. That is, in some ways, how I see my life now. Lisa and I have done alot of work the last 9 months and have made solid progress. But, I believe it is just a start. We're maybe "1/5" of the way there. We've started by filling our "box" with the basics: recovery, sobriety, honesty, ridding resentments, respect, learning how to communicate, trust, helping others, building a relationship with God. Those are all necessities to survive, in my opinion. Next, we are starting to work on some of the skills and tools that will make life more rewarding and enjoyable. In here I can buy a radio to help pass the time. In my life these are the benefits of recovery and redemption: self-acceptance, connectedness, selflessness, God-centered, security, contentment, etc... I've glimpsed a couple of these as I've rummaged through my box lately. Ultimately, I believe the box will be overflowing with bounty from our efforts. Both in our personal lives and, I pray, in the lives of others.

God bless,
David

Women struggle with pornography too.

First things first, I’d like to take this time to thank David and Lisa for allowing me to contribute to this blog. This blog is a great way to carry the message to those that are suffering from the effects of pornography addiction.

My name is Linda; I am a woman that struggles with sex addiction. Like many sex addicts, and like David, I was sexually abused as a child. As a teenager and through my 20’s I medicated myself with alcohol, pornography, sexual spanking, and masturbation all of which has progressed through the years. I can remember coming home from my job as a computer programmer and spend the next several hours sitting in front of my computer masturbating to pornography and drinking myself to oblivion. I did this everyday for years. I had everything I wanted a good job and a nice place to live but inside I was dying. Like many people, I have been in and out of therapy for years trying to find someone that will fix me. I came to a breaking point over seven years ago, I got sober from alcohol, but continued to act out sexually still looking for the right combination to not have to feel my feelings. Four years ago I went back into therapy because I was suicidal. It took me 3 years of hearing of other people’s addiction to pornography before I could admit mine. My life is so much different than it used to be – I have a life today. I am learning to feel my feelings instead of acting out to numb them out.

There is life beyond pornography. If you think that maybe you have a problem – get some help. You are not alone.

Public Service Announcement (from David)

David sent me this blog post. It is dated September 19, 2009.

David writes:

Still sitting in my cell. Thinking about the prison that victims are put in for a life sentence. In this blog we want to address as many issues as possible, but ultimately our goal is to help reduce the demand for child pornography one person at a time. If we can communicate the risks, consequences, and opportunities for recovery, we CAN help cut down on the re-victimization of child pornography victims. The argument is that each time a person views an image, the child is victimized again. So, if we reduce the number of people viewing it, we reduce the impact(and demand). One of our goals is to make a public service announcement on this subject. It may be delayed, but this is still an important part of the initiative. A national campaign focused on the victims and consequences is needed. I pray we can get it done soon. I hope you will add your prayers as well.

God Bless,
David

Hope

It's been a while since I have written, so I thought I would say a few words. The N&O article came out this past Sunday. I thought the article was well written. I would have liked to see a few more resources for people to get help (victims and addicts). But, overall I believe what we accomplished was awareness. The fact that this could happen to anyone. Had you asked me a year ago if I would be in this position, I would have told you that you were crazy. But, David and I believe God has brought us here for a reason. We have received so many comments, some good, some not so good, but that's ok. Our goal is not to ban pornography, it's to raise the awareness that this could happen to anyone, that there is help, and that there are choices. People are responsible for their own actions. Some people believe that we have a hidden agenda for doing this or this is a PR stunt. That is not the case, but we cannot make anyone believe that if they do not want to. Only God, our family, and our true friends know for sure. And, they are helping us get through this. I cannot thank them enough! It has truly made a difference for us this week, so please keep your emails and phone calls coming. I don't always have time to respond to them all, but know they are helping. If you would like to help with our initiative in some way, please let me know. We are committed to making a difference.

The other thing I wanted to talk about is that not all people who receive (not manufacture, not distribute)child pornography are pedophiles. Through therapy and education, I can clearly see how my husband got to this point. David was molested as a child (most addicts are abused or molested as children themselves). Much like a drug addiction, the addict looks for the next "high". David started with regular adult pornography. This went on for many many many years. Yes, I did know about the adult pornography, but I did not know the extent at which he was using it. Addicts are very good at hiding their addiction. After years and years of regular adult porn, regular adult porn was not enough to get the next "high". If the hole in the addicts soul is not filled with something positive, i.e. God, exercise, talking to friends about your issues, therapy, etc..., then the addict thinks they are alone in their guilt and shame. Only to stay in the one thing they know well - their addiction. They feel so bad, and are filled with so much guilt and shame that they stay in their addiction to try to make themselves feel better, but that only makes it worse. That's when they escalate to something stronger, i.e. flashing, affairs, viewing child porn, etc...something stronger than their usual drug. David was never attracted to children. It was about filling the hole that was in his soul. The hole that even I had no idea how deep it was. But, through God; our family; our therapist, Dr. Donna Peaslee; our pastor Ricky Mill; and the great friends that we have come to know and love through all of this, I want to thank you! Thank you for opening my eyes to this horrible disease. This is what keeps me going. Knowing that there is hope for people struggling with this disease.

The Small Things (from David)

David sent me this blog post. It is dated September 18, 2009.

David writes:

I'm in a 6'X8' cell with a "window" made of mesh that you can't see through. Just enough to know if it is day or night. I'm in here 23 hours per day as I requested to be segregated from the general population since the N&O article comes out Sunday. I was worried about my safety, as was Lisa, so I made the request and moved to "lockdown" on Wednesday. Another of the consequences for my actions - receiving child pornography. I have a feeling this is just the start, but we're in it for the long haul and are determined to use this to help others.

As I was sitting in my cell today, I heard two flocks of Canadian geese honk by. Maybe starting their southward journey early? Then I heard someone cutting grass, probably one of the last few times before fall makes mowing unnecessary. These two small things stuck me as indicative of how I viewed the world during my addiction. I rarely paid attention to the small things that matter so much: a look or a touch from my wife, the sunrise, a rain shower, a smile. I was so consumed with self that I missed things that can really touch my heart and connect with me. I regret it has taken so much to get to a point I appreciate it so much, these gifts, but I thank God everyday for it. If you're tired of missing the small things, ask for help now.

God Bless,
David

Regrets, I've had a few... (from David)

David sent me this blog post. It is dated September 17, 2009.

David writes:

There are so many things I regret- encouraging child pornography by receiving and viewing it, hurting my wife and family, being disconnected emotionally from people, lying for so many years. I hope and pray that in some small way this initiative gives us (especially me) a chance to reconcile some of those regrets. Particularly trying to stem the tide of child pornography. If we can remove people like me, who escalated to child pornography without actually being pedophiles, we can make a dent, I believe. It is a daunting task, but we've garnered so much support and interest that I have faith that we will make a difference. Please let Lisa know if you are willing to help in some way. She is carrying 90 percent of the load now. She is such a gift from God.

What to do about porn

I had to share this:

http://www.milforddailynews.com/opinion/editorials/x1395049342/Editorial-What-to-do-about-porn

God Bless,
-Lisa

People Person (from David)

David sent me this blog post. It is dated September 17, 2009.

David writes:

I always said I was a people person, but I think I was really a not-want-to-be-alone person because I didn't like the company I was keeping, ME. I was afraid to find out who I really was so I surrounded myself with other people to focus on. That's one reason I probably chose PR. The focus is on the client or the issue. When I did want attention, it was for superficial things having to do with money, success, status, etc... I moved to segregation where I spend 23 hours in a cell alone. I've thought about me always saying I'm a people person. It has only been a couple of days, but it seems like for the first time, I may be OK with me. Not all the time, but it is nice not to hate myself so much I don't want to be alone or maybe I should say that I love myself enough to be alone. I do try to stay busy reading, writing, praying, sleeping, exercising, but I don't think I'm doing those things to avoid me. I thank God everyday for another opportunity to get closer to him, my wife, family and friends, for them to see the real me, and to know that they still love me. Another gift.

From David

David sent me this blog post. It is dated September 16, 2009.

David writes:

I've been in jail for just three days now. It seems like three years. I decided to move from general population to protective custody so I could actually try to keep working on this initiative. I think it would be impossible to so it otherwise. Plus, I felt less than safe knowing the N&O article was coming out this weekend. There is alot of time to think in here. Too much really. Mostly I've been praying, reading, and talking to a few folks. I've slept on the floor, eaten foods I'm not sure what it was, and worn the same jumpsuit for 3 days. But, despite all this, I'm still grateful to be free from my addiction.

Visit

Today was another very rough day. I got to go visit with David today for the first time. Although I could not wait to see him, the process is not a pleasant one. The visits are not contact visits, which means I got to see him through a thick glass barred window about a foot and a half wide by about 2 and a half feet tall. You have to shout as there is no phone. Other loved ones are there the same time you are doing the same thing. I think I mentioned this before, but David is sending me some blog posts. I will post them as soon as I get them. I want to thank my family as they have been tremendous this week. I don't think I would have done as well as I did without them.

Risk

I spoke to David today. We get to speak for 10 minutes every so often. There is no schedule, so I never know when he will call. I cannot call him. He is sending me some blog posts, so look for those in the next few days. I cannot explain how painful this is. If you had asked me a year ago if I would have thought that I would be in this situation, I would have told you that you were crazy. But, here I am. How did I end up here? I truly believe God has a plan, but you have to wonder what it is? We are hoping and praying that something positive will come out of this. Please pray for the victims of child pornography. Please pray for those suffering from addiction. Please pray for the families of the addicts and victims. This really does affect everyone around you. My family and support group have been a tremendous support! I am very lucky to have them. I pray for those who have no one as this can be a very lonely, sad, and devastating thing without support. This is why David and I are doing this blog. We want everyone to be accountable. You have choices. Make the right ones. If you need help - ask! Or, you could end up in prison for 5 to 20 years. It's not worth the risk!

Please get help!

I woke up this morning wondering if I had had a nightmare. But, then I quickly realized that it was reality. My husband is not coming home. I miss him already. It's amazing how the littlest things remind you of what you take for granted. I so much hope that we can find help for people so they do not end up in David's (and my) situation. I want to encourage everyone to please please please if you are suspicious of any of your friends or family having an addiction, please push them to get help. There is help out there. I want to thank everyone for their emails and phone calls today as today was a very bad day for me.

God Bless.
-Lisa

Rough Day

Today was one of the roughest days of my life. David had his first court appearance today where the judge accepted David's plea. We were hoping for bond, but that did not happen. David was charged with one count of receipt of child pornography, and was taken into custody. He is in jail until sentencing. I am very sad. I want to say thank you to our family and friends for all their support. We could not have gotten through this without them. Please pray for David, all the people suffering from addiction, and those effected by child pornography. We will continue to work on this initiative wherever we are to help raise awareness and offer hope and resources for those in need.

God Bless,

-Lisa

Another Step in the Journey

If you’re reading this post it means I was taken into custody on Monday. We knew this day was coming, but it is still one of the most challenging times in our lives. But as I’ve said before, I believe God is working in all of this. It is just another step toward the journey of a new life. I may not be out, but I may be more free than ever.

I pray that all those effected by child pornography, sex addiction, pornography, etc. find healing and comfort. Lisa and I will continue to do all we can from where ever we are to raise awareness and offer hope and resources. It is about personal choice, accountability and responsibility.

God bless,
David

How deep is the ocean?

Lisa and I were standing looking at the ocean today, and it made me think about the vastness of our world and how inconsequential we really are in the big scheme of things. Right now everything feels so important and overwhelming, but looking at the big picture, we're really just riding the crest of a single wave on the ocean of life. I don't mean to get too sappy, but we're only on this earth for the blink of an eye. All we can hope for is that in that brief time we live long enough to make a difference in someone's life.

This may be my last post for a while. At least one that comes directly from me. We have court at 9:30 in the morning and I will likely be taken into custody to start serving whatever time I'm given. I am so grateful to my wife Lisa for all she has done for me the last 10 years. She is so much more than I deserve. Please pray for her.

I'm also thankful for my family and Lisa's family for standing by us. I am in awe of their love and support. I can't think of where we would be without people like Dr. Donna Peaslee, Dr. Mike Adams, Steve Nobel, Pastor Ricky Mill and so many others in our group of friends who have helped us in our recovery and helped us find ourselves and our mission.

I pray that we have helped someone to find a way out of their addiction, to help decrease the demand for child pornography and to help raise awareness of the impact even mainstream pornography has on individuals and families.

And none of this would be possible without the grace of God. His love and grace are deeper than any ocean.

God bless,

David

Covenant Eyes Breaking Free Blog

The folks at Covenant Eye, specifically Luke Gilkerson, has a blog with great insights into challenges related to temptation, pornography, addiction and accountability - http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/ . He is going to include our testimony sometime soon. Check it out if you get a minute. Also, don't forget you can get a 30-day free trial of Covenant Eyes by using the promo code shame2grace - http://www.covenanteyes.com/?promocode=Shame2Grace.

God bless,
David

Freedom

Lisa and I have been so blessed the last few days. So much more than I deserve. We've been able to spend time with family, and the outpouring of support has been almost overwhelming. The thought of going to jail on Monday and likely not being "free" for years is scary and sad (we cry often), but we have faith that God will use this time in our life to deepen our faith and help others. We appreciate the prayers and ask that you continue to pray for the victims of child pornography and those still caught in the trap of addiction, that they may find freedom as well.

God bless,
David

We left my brother and his family, heading to meet my parents, older brother and Lisa's family. Sad saying good bye to our nephews and niece.

God bless,
David

Making the connection

We're spending time with family this weekend, prior to my likely incarceration on Monday, so I'll likely be posting short briefs as we go along. Today we're at the beach with my brother and his family. It is such a gift to be able to actually connect with my family now. We were so distant in the past because of my shame, guilt and addictive behaviors. They kept me from not only being there physically, but also emotionally and spiritually.

Last night was my birthday, 43, and we spent it with my brother an his wife. We talked about our families, feelings, fears, hopes, faith and so much more. Before, we would talk about sports, weather and not much else. Again, the benefits of recovery are constant and so valuable. We're so blessed and grateful. I pray that those still struggling with addiction will find a way out. Don't wait, start today.

God bless,
David

Another Day, Another Epidemic

I've mentioned that I have set up a Google alert for "child pornography" where I get a daily digest of news stories usually about people being charged and/or convicted of crimes related to child pornography. Since I've been tracking this over the last 9 months or so, it seems to be getting more prolific each day. Listed below are just the articles I received in this morning's alert. I'm amazed by the wide range of people: from a coach, to a German Member of Parliament, to a day care worker to a retired school teacher. Some just viewed it while others were predators. This has to be stopped.

While law enforcement is doing a great job, we need to have a grassroots movement that strives to get people to make the personal decision not to view child pornography, or even mainstream pornography. Catching and convicting can certainly make a dent, but I think like what happened with cocaine in the 80s is happening with child porn now. We're rounding everyone up, giving them harsh sentences, but not educating society as to the true nature of the damage even adult pornography can do in their lives, much less that there are real victims when viewing child pornography.

I think we have to come at this with strict law enforcement, education, information, resources and treatment. I worked at an agency that produced teen tobacco prevention campaigns. The commercials we produced focused on the personal choices and consequences of smokers. It was extermely effective. In studies by UNC Medical school it attributed the ads to stopping more than 20,000 middle and high school students from smoking.

We need similar types of hard-hitting, honest campaigns to communicate the damage child pornography and pornography in general does to a person. Lisa and I will continue to work to get the word out, even when I'm in prison, and will encourage others to take up the mantle as well. This is a serious problem that will take serious resources to impact it. Pray that we can make a difference.

Articles

Independence man sentenced to 10 years in child porn case

Baby sitter gets 25 years in Pa. child-porn case

Substitute teacher, coach faces child pornography charges

Old Jefferson man sentenced to 5 years in prison for child pornography

German MP charged over child porn

Child Porn: Police Say Wife Turned Husband In

God bless,

David

Redemption

This is a story of a man who went from serving nine years for car jacking and armed robbery to a productive, responsible, respected member of society. I needed something like this today:

Ex-con tells story of prison lessons and second chances
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/09/09/prison.life.lesson.memoir/index.html

Consequences

My first court date is next Monday the 14th. I will enter my guilty plea to one count of receipt of child pornography and the judge will determine whether I am allowed pre-sentencing release. If he decides against against it, I will go directly to jail. If he determines I'm eligible for PSR, then I'll likely be required to wear a monitoring device and have other restrictions. We've been preparing for the former and hoping for the latter. I know that my fate is to do some period of time in federal prison, likely multiple years. I accept this fate as one of the consequences of my crime.

Lisa and I are scared about what life will be like once I am incarcerated, but we are trying to live one day at a time, focused on our public awareness initiative, our relationship with each other, God and our families. We pray every day for the victims of child pornography and child sexual abuse trapped in their own prison of fear, shame and resentment, that they find healing and peace. We also pray for the still practicing sex addicts, that they find the freedom that comes from recovery. It is never too late. If you're sick and tired of being sick and tired, now is the time. Don't wait to lose your marriage, your career, your freedom or your life.

God bless,

David

One Person at a Time

This blog is really getting some attention the last few weeks. We've had thousands of visitors from almost all 50 states and from 16 different countries. While many stay just a few minutes, almost half spend at least five minutes on the site and about 20 percent spend an hour or more. The most popular articles have been around pornography and personal responsibility and some of the challenges related to our marriage and communications. Also popular are some of the articles about the various radio shows we've done the last few months. Others are interested in Covenenat Eyes to help them be more accountable online and to protect their family.

We're so blessed to have this opportunity to try to connect with people and hopefully make a difference in their lives. I'm sure some people show up here out of curiosity or maybe some voyeurism, but in looking at search terms of how people find us, they are also searching for answers to husbands who are looking at pornography, information about quitting child pornography and recovery from sexual addiction.  These are exactly the kind of people we are hoping to impact, one person at a time.  If we can facilitate just one person getting help for themselves, a family member or friend, we've achieved our goal.

God bless,
David

Drive By

Lisa and I were driving around today and happened to see a one-car accident occur. A white Mercedes was coming down an on-ramp, slid off the rain-soaked road and into the ditch. It was a minor accident, but we stopped anyway to make sure the folks were OK and didn't need any help. There had to be 100 other cars passing by at the same time, but we were the only ones to stop. It turns out the driver was a young girl, probably 16 or so. She was with her boyfriend. As we approached them, the girl looked on the verge of tears, she was shaking. Lisa hugged her and comforted her while I talked to her boyfriend to make sure they weren't hurt and that they had someone they could call. We waited while her dad came to help. He showed up, relieved his daughter was OK and thanked us for waiting with them.

The accident made me think about how some people choose to accept, ignore or over look troubling, addictive behaviors in people they care about. Even when the person is a family member or close friend, it is especially difficult to confront people about problems related to sexuality, sexual dysfunction and sexual addiction. This is just an area where people fear to tread, so they choose to drive by and hope someone else stops to help. Plus, many think because it is just about sex or pornography, that it can't be THAT bad. Trust me, it is THAT bad. Just like drugs and alcohol, sex addiction can, and likely will, lead to divorce, loss of career, lost relationships, jail, institutions and death.

So, if you suspect someone of having a sexual addiction, stop and see if you can help. Don't just keep driving and think the next person will pull over.

God bless,

David

Things you hear at a funeral

We've been receiving character reference letters in support of my case. I have to admit that I have teared up over so many of them. It may be a little morbid, but the sentiments that people have been expressing are usually reserved for someone's funeral.  This is just another one of those unexpected blessings we've received from all of this.

The letters have come from a wide range of people. Some have known me all my life, while others just since I started recovery. One thing I've noticed is that the people who have known me for the least amount time, those from our recovery world, actually know me better than most people who have known me for decades. I chalk this up to the fact that I haven't really known myself  until the last nine months. The previous 42 years I have lived hiding behind shame, self-centeredness, fear, and acting out. The last nine months I've strived to live an honest, open, Christ-centered life. Lisa and I both are moving from shallow, angry people to becoming feeling, compassionate spouses, friends and family members. We are so humbled by all of this.

We are so grateful for all the kind words and prayers we've been receiving. It is so much more than I deserve. Please do continue to pray for the victims of child pornography, as they are the ones who will continue to suffer long after I have served my time.

God bless,
David

Children Learn What They Live

I found this poem, and thought it was appropriate.

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D., (1924-2005)

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

"It could be worse, it could be raining"

I'm a bit of a movie buff. I love good movie lines. For example, from Office Space: "You've been missing a lot of work lately." "I can't say I've been missing it, Bob." 
Or from Officer and  Gentleman: "I want your DOR!" "No!!" "Give me your DOR!" "No, I got nowhere else to go!!"
Or Jaws, "you're going to need a bigger boat."

Another of my favorite lines comes from Young Frakenstein, the Mel Brooks spoof of the Frankenstein franchise. Dr. FrankenSHTEEN and I-gor are digging up the body to use to create the monster. They are sweating, working hard, and complaining about it. I-gor says,"it could be worse." Dr. asks, "would you mind telling me how?" I-Gor: "it could be raining." And of course at that moment, thunder claps and then a heavy rain begins to pour.

I've written about an attitude of gratitude before, but I need to remind myself that this is just one scene in our lives. That in the 2-hour movie of our life, this is a 5-minute montage of a troubling time. The arc of the movie. Do I wish we could yell "cut!" and do a reshoot? Yes, of course. But we've gotten too far into the production now, and we have to complete the picture. We've been blessed with the best director in the business - God. And our supporting cast is one of the best I've ever worked with. The response we've gotten from family, friends and even strangers has been so gracious and supportive.

The great thing is we're rewriting the ending to this movie each day. What was going to be a disaster movie, is now more of a love story, or maybe something inspirational, a cautionary tale. Not quite a romantic comedy, but definitely not a horror story. Grab your popcorn and let's see how this one ends. And you may want to stay through the credits, we're going to have a lot of people to thank before it is all over.

God bless,

David

Care for a side of objectification with those wings?

I guess we should be grateful restaurants are trying to help us save money during these challenging times. But I have some real reservations when one of those restaurants is Hooters and they are trying to help us out by encouraging us to bring our kids there to eat free. But it is their right to do what they can to increase their business. I think my bigger concern is with the parents who actually take their children to Hooters. Again, I put it back on personal responsibility. It is a choice. Do we save a couple of dollars on wings, or do I not send the message that it is acceptable to objectify women?

Many will say, "lighten up," it isn't that bad. I disagree. This isn't in isolation. You put this on top of the objectification and sexualization in TV, movies, video games, magazines, Web sites, even just on the street, and it all adds up to an amazingly sexualized world for children. I'm just one man and I don't think I can change the world, but I do think that we can impact kids, families, spouses one person at a time and one decision at a time.

God bless,

David

File under Gratitude

This has been a difficult week for me and Lisa. We got some discouraging news from our lawyer. It made us sad, scared and very shaky. But as we were grieving the news, I started thinking about about the old Chinese saying - I cried because I had no shoes, until I met the man with no feet. While we're going through a lot of pain and fear right now, the victims of child pornography spend a lifetime struggling with shame, fear, resentment, distrust and so much more.

While I experienced inappropriate sexual touching as a child, it was nothing in comparison to the experiences of child pornography and persistent sexual abuse victims. I've met so many people who are struggling to live a productive life while recovering from their abuse. Seeing the pain in their eyes, the inability to trust, questioning whether what happened was their fault, what they could have done differently. I pray every day that they find peace.

Our life may be on a downturn right now, with prospects dim, but we do have two feet to stand on and there is hope for a brighter future. Hopefully by walking the path we're on we'll help others find their own way out.

God bless,

David

Sounds like life to me

Some days I wonder how "civilians" deal with the reality of the daily trials and tribulations that come with living a life free from addictions. As an addict, I was able to avoid most of these problems by living in a world of self-centered, self-serving chaos. I didn't worry about deepening relationships with my wife, family or friends, my place in the world, my relationship with Christ, how to lift up others around me, or anything close to finding a higher purpose.

My life focused on when I could get my next "hit" of pornography or sexual chat. Lisa would want to go for a walk around the park, I would come up with some excuse to not go, then stay home and act out. We would be at the beach with family and everyone would be out enjoying the ocean, I would be hidden in the room acting out. My relationship to life was so thin. I had no connection to others. When I wasn't acting out I was trying to hide it, lying to and deceiving those I love. I was constantly afraid someone would find some evidence on my computer, on a thumb drive, in some email, or even just see in my eyes that I was some sort of sexual defect.

In the last eight months, since I've been sober from acting out, I'm actually facing life. Even though it may be a distorted view because of my legal issues, therapy, etc., it is still the closest I have been to facing life's challenges head on. Lisa and I go for walks, we work together to solve problems, we have no secrets and are working toward a higher purpose and a deeper relationship with Christ.

Funny how a boring, mundane, addiction-free life can be so exciting!

God bless,
David