In a number of recent discussions with people the subject of mainstream pornography arose. I'm not sure how this is defined, but I'm defining it as any porn that is legally available. This may be a very broad definition, but from what I can tell the boundaries have been lowered to a point that if it is legal it is OK.
I'm not going to try to argue against the right of anyone to sell, buy or view pornography. That battle has been fought and decided. I'm approaching this much like drug addiction, which I also happen to know something about. Not everyone who tries drugs becomes a heroin addict. Not everyone who views pornography winds up with severe consequences like divorce, prison, loss of jobs, or even death. But you never know which chamber the bullet is in and if it has your name on it.
Professor Mike Adams wrote a great piece entitled, "Real Men Don't Do Pornography http://townhall.com/columnists/MikeAdams/2008/08/25/real_men_dont_do_pornography." I read the article when it first came out, and while I was still in the midst of my porn addiction, and it made me think about what kind of man I was and wanted to be.
Do I believe some men, and maybe most men, can look at pornography and not suffer serious consequences? Yes. Do I believe that pornography does more harm than good? Yes.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Progress
I met with my reporter friend this morning and first told him about my charge and resulting consequences. He was more gracious than I deserve. While I'm scared about the prospect of "going public" with this issue, I also have a great deal of hope that it will help someone. The more I talk to people about it, the more I understand how this problem impacts so many.
David
David
Downsizing
Lisa and I are getting settled into our new little "bungalow" of a home and it has made me think about how much things have changed in the last 7 months. Of course a lot has changed from a materialistic stand point - we went from a 3000 sq. ft. house to our quaint little 750 sq. ft. condo, we've sold thousands of dollars worth of our stuff and we're watching our budget closely. But those changes are minimal compared to the changes in our relationships and outlook on life.
We have no more secrets. Or I should say that I have no secrets, as I was the one living the double life. Lisa and my friends and family know everything that is going on in my life. And I mean EVERYTHING. It is such a freedom to not have to hide. That is one of the things for which I am most grateful about recovery.
We talk. While we still have disagreements at times, it is amazing how many problems are resolved through just communicating. Before, I was so filled with shame and Lisa with resentment, that every word out of our mouth was based on hate. Now we strive to speak through love. We've been working through the Love Dare book - http://thelovedarebook.com/ - and it has been a great resource for guiding us to a healthier, connected relationship.
We have friends. A big part of addiction is isolation. Through our recovery we have discovered what it is to have connected friendships. It is amazing to sit down with someone and talk about more than the weather and politics. Talk about feelings, fears, joys, hopes, and the deeper content of life. It is so easy to be shallow, and it is perpetuated in our culture with so little focus on substance, and so much focus on things like celebrity.
We have hope. Even though we're facing some serious consequences that could seperate us for many years, we have hope today that no matter what, our life is going to be better than it ever has been. Through Christ, our family and friends we have been given so much grace and support through these times and we have faith that if we keep up our end of the deal, we'll come out on the other side better people.
We have purpose. We're living for more than just getting by now. Our connectedness to God, each other and to family and friends has helped us be a part of something bigger than ourselves. We are living with a purpose to lift up each other and the people around us. What a gift.
I could go on, but I think you get the idea.
God bless.
We have no more secrets. Or I should say that I have no secrets, as I was the one living the double life. Lisa and my friends and family know everything that is going on in my life. And I mean EVERYTHING. It is such a freedom to not have to hide. That is one of the things for which I am most grateful about recovery.
We talk. While we still have disagreements at times, it is amazing how many problems are resolved through just communicating. Before, I was so filled with shame and Lisa with resentment, that every word out of our mouth was based on hate. Now we strive to speak through love. We've been working through the Love Dare book - http://thelovedarebook.com/ - and it has been a great resource for guiding us to a healthier, connected relationship.
We have friends. A big part of addiction is isolation. Through our recovery we have discovered what it is to have connected friendships. It is amazing to sit down with someone and talk about more than the weather and politics. Talk about feelings, fears, joys, hopes, and the deeper content of life. It is so easy to be shallow, and it is perpetuated in our culture with so little focus on substance, and so much focus on things like celebrity.
We have hope. Even though we're facing some serious consequences that could seperate us for many years, we have hope today that no matter what, our life is going to be better than it ever has been. Through Christ, our family and friends we have been given so much grace and support through these times and we have faith that if we keep up our end of the deal, we'll come out on the other side better people.
We have purpose. We're living for more than just getting by now. Our connectedness to God, each other and to family and friends has helped us be a part of something bigger than ourselves. We are living with a purpose to lift up each other and the people around us. What a gift.
I could go on, but I think you get the idea.
God bless.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Porn Addict Hubby
I ran across this site. Seems like a good resource for spouses http://www.pornaddicthubby.com/
Good meeting
We had a good meeting me, Lisa, Donna Peaslee, Linnea Smith and Nancy Berson to discuss the initiative. It went well and we have some solid steps to move forward. In addition to the ideas around traditional media relations and other outreach, we talked about approaching psychiatric schools to propose doing some sort of training or grand rounds type of discussion with me, Donna, and other folks. Sounds like an interesting idea.
I'm meeting with a reporter tomorrow to propose a series of stories around pornography, child pornography, and related topics. It is a big step as it will be the first media coverage of my charge.
My wife Lisa is amazing. She's been so supportive and committed to our marriage and me. More than I deserve, that's for sure.
God bless,
David
I'm meeting with a reporter tomorrow to propose a series of stories around pornography, child pornography, and related topics. It is a big step as it will be the first media coverage of my charge.
My wife Lisa is amazing. She's been so supportive and committed to our marriage and me. More than I deserve, that's for sure.
God bless,
David
Getting started
Lisa and I have a meeting with Donna Peaslee, our therapist and Linnea Smith today to discuss the public service initiative I've proposed. Linnea has been a vocal anti-pornography advocate for decades and we contacted her to see if she might be interested in working with us to launch this initiative.
The goals of the objectives are to:
1. Reduce the demand for child pornography 2. Increase awareness of the impact even just viewing child pornography has on multiple audiences 3. Provide direction to resources for assistance for individuals, families and victims4. Raise awareness of the negative impact even “mainstream” pornography has on individuals and families.
Hopefully we can make a difference. While my fate is somewhat pre-destined as a result of my choosing not to get help sooner, maybe raising awareness of this issue can help others.
I'll follow up with the results of today's meetings.
God bless,
David
The goals of the objectives are to:
1. Reduce the demand for child pornography 2. Increase awareness of the impact even just viewing child pornography has on multiple audiences 3. Provide direction to resources for assistance for individuals, families and victims4. Raise awareness of the negative impact even “mainstream” pornography has on individuals and families.
Hopefully we can make a difference. While my fate is somewhat pre-destined as a result of my choosing not to get help sooner, maybe raising awareness of this issue can help others.
I'll follow up with the results of today's meetings.
God bless,
David
How did I end up here?
Many folks are aware of my situation. The sad reality is I'm being charged with receipt of child pornography and facing up to eight years in federal prison. The good news is that through all of this I've had some real miracles happen in my life. For the first time in more than 37 years I'm actually completely sober from any addictive and self-destructive behaviors, my wife and I are more connected than we have ever been, I have no more secrets and most importantly, I have a true relationship with Christ.
I'm not sure where this story will end up, but I want to tell it to try to help others avoid our fate, reduce the demand for child pornography and help shine a light on something that carries so much shame and guilt that people choose to stay sick rather than get help. That must change.
I hope this will be a vehicle for sharing information around resources for people like me as well as those who have been victimized. Many see viewing child pornography as a victimless crime. In my recovery, I have met these victims face to face and discovered the true toll this activity takes on the children involved. If I can help there be one less child abused in this way, I will consider this outreach a success.
Lisa and I have been praying every day for guidance on whether going public is the right thing to do for us, our families and the public. I feel compelled that God is directing us down this path. Please pray for us and those hearing this message, that they take the opportunity to get help before they do direct harm to a child or end up facing five to twenty years in prison. The toll this crime takes on everyone is huge. From the victims to the families of the perpetrator, it sends a firestorm through their lives. My prayer is that through our experiences, and our relationship with Jesus Christ, we can make a difference.
God Bless
I'm not sure where this story will end up, but I want to tell it to try to help others avoid our fate, reduce the demand for child pornography and help shine a light on something that carries so much shame and guilt that people choose to stay sick rather than get help. That must change.
I hope this will be a vehicle for sharing information around resources for people like me as well as those who have been victimized. Many see viewing child pornography as a victimless crime. In my recovery, I have met these victims face to face and discovered the true toll this activity takes on the children involved. If I can help there be one less child abused in this way, I will consider this outreach a success.
Lisa and I have been praying every day for guidance on whether going public is the right thing to do for us, our families and the public. I feel compelled that God is directing us down this path. Please pray for us and those hearing this message, that they take the opportunity to get help before they do direct harm to a child or end up facing five to twenty years in prison. The toll this crime takes on everyone is huge. From the victims to the families of the perpetrator, it sends a firestorm through their lives. My prayer is that through our experiences, and our relationship with Jesus Christ, we can make a difference.
God Bless
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