The Pegasus Secret. Part IV Announcement! The Family of Secrets have entered the Building

It became a secret that our family has secrets. But the only person that recognized these secrets was me. I, of course, wasn’t going to tell anyone. It was way to shameful.

I woke up one day and realized, I had a teenage son that was always behind closed doors, a non-gay husband that was always at the mall, and a young son who was rallied to watch “Days of our Lives” when he arrived home from school with Grandma North.

I was so bewildered. How did I get here? I worked, worked; gave, gave; sacrificed, sacrificed. No one was breathing in my lungs. It was just me trying to blow life in my family. Blow. Blow. Blow. Blow harder damnit. It was like blowing into a balloon that had a small hole in it. The more I blew, the more our family’s life deflated.

Then I took a really good look at “them”. I saw puppets on a string. Dancing to the tune of the outside world’s minimum expectations. Even the dog seemed too complacent. My family was disappointing to me. I was so ashamed to think it; let alone write it to you.

I’m was lonely in my own home. I was the odd ball. But when convenient, I was the centre of the family. When things went south, they come running back to the nucleus.

As I served as the ad-hoc core, I felt the heavy hatred of Grandma North over me. I felt that she resented the fact that I earned the right to sleep with her prize possession. My husband was her only worthy accomplishment.

She hated that she could no longer be inside of him…that I was there intruding in her sacred space. I felt her burning, steamy, stank breathe on my neck as I walked through my day. She resented that I was a great mother in the eyes of the people that didn’t know the secret. She was jealous. Her life was shameful. She didn’t know who fathered my non-gay husband. I don’t judge. I don’t care. It was her burden that she absorbed me into.

She was angry that she wasn’t my husband’s wife. She seeked a man like him. Milk-toast, no substance, happy-go-lucky --- she birthed her perfect husband. What a secret. A secret life that now I must take to my grave because it is so sick.