Mystery Solved (from David)

David sent me this blog post. It is dated November 9, 2009.

David writes:

I love a good mystery. I've been reading alot of Patterson and Cornwell since I've been in jail. In the depths of my addiction and acting out I would ask myself, "Why am I like this?" I could not understand how a somewhat intelligent person could choose this way of life. That I would willingly look at child pornography, spend sleepless nights looking at pornography and chatting online. That I would risk my entire life as I knew it for so little reward. That I would ignore the sad faces of children and the damage I was doing to my marriage.

Even when I was in recovery I still had no clue why I was what I was. I told Dr. Peaslee, our therapist, that if I got nothing else out of therapy, I wanted to understand what led me to the choices I made. As we progressed in therapy it became obvious that I would never solve the mystery with a single answer. It wasn't the butler in the pantry with a knife. It was a series of events and choices over time. From early sexual acting out to discovery of pornography at 9 to drug addiction to discovering the Internet, to distant relationships and self-hatred to conscious choices to look at child pornography. They were all clues that helped solve the case. Had I chosen to examine the clues earlier, the mystery may have had a different ending. That's what I encourage others to do. Don't let others write your ending. Become your own coauthor (with God) and end the mystery.

God bless,
David