Protecting Teens (from David)

David sent me this blog post. It is dated November 3, 2009.

David writes:

One of the behaviors I engaged in during my addiction was to take on the persona of a teenager and chat with "other" teenagers. It was an elaborate process of using a picture of a real teen, creating a name, a history and some sort of personality. I always picked pictures of attractive teen males. And created an athletic or adventurous persona. My therapist seemed to think one reason I did this was to try to experience what I missed in my own teen years as they were spent on drugs, alcohol and other dysfunctions. Not building relationships. I don't say this as an excuse, but more to provide some context.

I bring this up as a means to talk about some lessons I learned and wanted to pass on to parents of teens.

1. Be involved in what your teens are doing online. There should be no secrets. Know all their identities and passwords.

2. If they refuse to disclose, the consequence is no access.

3. Use an accountability software like Covenant Eyes on computers and phones.

4. Don't allow online relationships to replace "real" ones.

5. Do regular check-ins with your teen about online behaviors, risks, questions

6. Know the sites they visit - Myspace, Facebook, MSN

7. Know how they use their web cams

What I found most disturbing is how willing many teens are to have relationships online. It is natural for them. Most of their life is spent in front of some screen engaged with someone via an electronic connection. So many teens seem desperate for acceptance, and are willing to find it from someone they don't know. That someone could be a 15 year old boy, or a 40 year old man. There is no way to know for certain.

Please take this chance to address this issue with your teen. While I never sought to meet any teens, it happens regularly. I am ashamed of my actions, but as with child pornography, I hope my experience will help others.

God bless,
David