The Pegasus Secret. Part II La La my lover.

The Pegasus Secret.

Part II La La my lover.

The mall outings continued which caused me to indulge more into the fake reality of “la la” land. Before I knew it, the spare was born and I’m running after two playful boys, teaching safety in every other conversation. Don’t talk to strangers, no naughty touches, and run if you feel uncomfortable. I’m sure my boys thought I was head of the FBI or insane. It didn’t matter, label me whatever you choose; if that prevents my boys from being molested…I’m ok being known as insane.

Life was busy after finding a job; causing me to consider my self-reality and separate from la la. I knew la la wasn’t good, but I was addicted to it that same way sex addicts are drawn to porn. “La La” land, made me feel safe, protected, worthy. But I know it wasn’t good, but my mind was trapped in it. I couldn’t no matter how hard I tried, pull myself to face reality; it was so much more comfortable sitting in the lap of “La La”.

My career soared and the job accomplishments made love to me in the most passionate way; unlike my husband. So I added to ‘la la’ by buying the beach home, exotic Disney vacation (if there is such a thing) and hired The Nanny. Again, nurturing my life in “la la” land; resisting the temptation of self-accomplishment, self-assurance and self-esteem. I wanted just to be the ideal wife and mother in my “la la” mind.

At this point, I don’t remember any conversations between me and my husband…just that he and the mall were still in love.