My Realization(s) (from Lisa)

Over the last several months, I have realized a few things that I want to share.

1. Everyone is fighting a hard battle.

Through this whole "incident", I have become more compassionate for other people. I realize that almost everyone is struggling with something challenging. It's easy to get angry or frustrated with people until you know their story. It's hard to share your pain as everyone else seems "happy" and "normal". But as I have discovered, most people are not truly happy or normal, and everyone is fighting a hard battle.

2. God is in the Small Stuff.

David and I, although we are not physically together, are both reading a book called, "God is in the Small Stuff and It All Matters". I love this book! The chapters are very small and I read it before I go to bed every night. It makes me realize that I don't need alot to be happy. It's simple things like walking in the park, playing in the rain, and seeing the ocean. You don't need a big house, alot of money, fancy cars, etc... to be rich. Life is much more fun when you truly enjoy the small stuff.

3. God does exist.

I have questioned my faith off and on. I grew up going to church, but never truly enjoyed it. I just never connected to it. I got away from it during my college and single years. David and I were married in the church, but going to church was not part of our life together. Again, when this "incident" happened, I started questioning why we were put into this situation. David accepted Christ in February and was baptized. He attended church weekly and attended weekly bible studies. I was not in the same place he was spiritually. Being an engineer and logically minded, I have to figure things out. Some things in the bible just didn't make sense to me. I needed answers. When my husband was taken into custody, I was at the beach with my family. I remember standing facing the ocean and thinking how beautiful and powerful the ocean was. I began to think about how this great ocean could not be made my man, and had to come from something/someone much bigger, and my only answer was - God. I have realized that there are some things that I just won't be able to figure out and I have to accept them. God has a plan, and he knows what he is doing. But, I trust he is leading David and me in a positive direction.

4. I truly love my husband.

Before December 16, 2008, I knew I loved my husband. But there were disconnects in our relationship. I could not figure out what was wrong, but knew there was something. David would not truly let me in to see who he really was. He was scared that if I saw who he really was that I wouldn't love him. Now that I see who he really is, I couldn't love him more. He is the same man that I married, but without his addiction, he is so much more attentive, caring, and there for me (although not physically right now). We are more connected, and talk more than we have in the 6 years we have been married. I can now look into David's eyes and see who he truly is, and I love him. I don't know what God's plan is for us in the long run, but all I can do is pray that we stay strong through this and perhaps help others along the way.

I'm sure there are other realizations, but I'm tired. Goodnight all. Talk to you tomorrow.

-Lisa