Lifetime of Hiding

I spent a lifetime hiding either through isolation, alcohol, drugs, sex, work, or food. And thus recovery is hard for me because I am constantly running to something else so that I can feel bad about me. Lately, I’ve been remembering details of being abused as a kid and I blame myself for the abuse. I was just a kid –but … (just fill in the blank). Because I am blaming me I am running to my addictions to feel even worse about me. Right now I’m struggling with isolation, sex, work, and food. I don’t want to remember nor feel those helpless feelings. I’m grateful for therapy because I have a place of real support. My friends, group and therapist help me see that I’m not alone; I am loveable; I matter; I can recover; and most important the abuse was not my fault. The latter is the one thing that I struggle with the most – I also know that I am not alone in this either. Many people that were abused as children believe that it was their fault. I’m learning that recovery is a process – it’s not something that we can take a pill for or go to therapy for a couple of months and be “cured”. Recovery is about being teachable and learning new habits, taking on new perspectives, thinking differently, and in most cases starting over. Recovery is a gift from God. If recovery wasn't hard then I might not be grateful for it and I might not need my relationship with God. Thanks God, help me and all your sick and suffering children.

Linda