Hope

It's been a while since I have written, so I thought I would say a few words. The N&O article came out this past Sunday. I thought the article was well written. I would have liked to see a few more resources for people to get help (victims and addicts). But, overall I believe what we accomplished was awareness. The fact that this could happen to anyone. Had you asked me a year ago if I would be in this position, I would have told you that you were crazy. But, David and I believe God has brought us here for a reason. We have received so many comments, some good, some not so good, but that's ok. Our goal is not to ban pornography, it's to raise the awareness that this could happen to anyone, that there is help, and that there are choices. People are responsible for their own actions. Some people believe that we have a hidden agenda for doing this or this is a PR stunt. That is not the case, but we cannot make anyone believe that if they do not want to. Only God, our family, and our true friends know for sure. And, they are helping us get through this. I cannot thank them enough! It has truly made a difference for us this week, so please keep your emails and phone calls coming. I don't always have time to respond to them all, but know they are helping. If you would like to help with our initiative in some way, please let me know. We are committed to making a difference.

The other thing I wanted to talk about is that not all people who receive (not manufacture, not distribute)child pornography are pedophiles. Through therapy and education, I can clearly see how my husband got to this point. David was molested as a child (most addicts are abused or molested as children themselves). Much like a drug addiction, the addict looks for the next "high". David started with regular adult pornography. This went on for many many many years. Yes, I did know about the adult pornography, but I did not know the extent at which he was using it. Addicts are very good at hiding their addiction. After years and years of regular adult porn, regular adult porn was not enough to get the next "high". If the hole in the addicts soul is not filled with something positive, i.e. God, exercise, talking to friends about your issues, therapy, etc..., then the addict thinks they are alone in their guilt and shame. Only to stay in the one thing they know well - their addiction. They feel so bad, and are filled with so much guilt and shame that they stay in their addiction to try to make themselves feel better, but that only makes it worse. That's when they escalate to something stronger, i.e. flashing, affairs, viewing child porn, etc...something stronger than their usual drug. David was never attracted to children. It was about filling the hole that was in his soul. The hole that even I had no idea how deep it was. But, through God; our family; our therapist, Dr. Donna Peaslee; our pastor Ricky Mill; and the great friends that we have come to know and love through all of this, I want to thank you! Thank you for opening my eyes to this horrible disease. This is what keeps me going. Knowing that there is hope for people struggling with this disease.